Author: provref

Posted on

Unequal Yoking is About More Than Marriage

Do not be unequally yoked. When Christians today hear those words, we immediately take a mental leap to the issue of marriage. The Bible has been clear, from Old Testament to New, that it is against the command of God for a follower of the Lord to unite in marriage to someone who is not a follower of the Lord. This was partly why God told Israel not to intermarry with the nations around them (preserving the line of Messiah also was involved here). And it is why Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7 that a widow is free to marry whom she wishes, but only in the Lord (1 Cor. 7:39). And this is certainly a fair application of 2 Corinthians 6:14, that a believer must not yoke himself in marriage to a non-believer.

But the context of 2 Corinthians 6 is not matrimonial at its heart. Rather, the context is one of deep and treasured relationships. Early in the chapter, Paul talked about how he and his fellow servants of the Lord were commending themselves to the Corinthians through suffering, godly character, and the faithful proclamation of the word. This would be in comparison to the false teachers who were attempting to lead the Corinthian church away from being faithful followers of the Lord.

2 Corinthians 6:11-13 – 11 We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. 12 You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. 13 In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.

Paul is clearly saddened by the fact that, though he and his ministry cohorts love the church in Corinth, the Corinthians have been reserved in returning that love. The Corinthians have been divided in their affection between those who love the Lord and those who are preaching something other than the gospel.

Now, read the 2 Corinthians passage with more than marriage in mind. Read it with friendship and other bonds of relationship in mind as well.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18 – 14 Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? 15 What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; as God said,
“I will make my dwelling among them and walk among them,
and I will be their God,
and they shall be my people.
17 Therefore go out from their midst,
and be separate from them, says the Lord,
and touch no unclean thing;
then I will welcome you,
18 and I will be a father to you,
and you shall be sons and daughters to me,
says the Lord Almighty.”

I believe that God is wanting us to think about more than marriage here. Our chief relationships, our most valued and treasured friendships, are to be with those who follow the Lord. Yes, this has to apply to marriage. But it also must apply in all sorts of human affection. It applies to who are your friends. It applies to who are your business partners. It applies to in whom you delight.

I am reminded of David’s words on this subject.

Psalm 16:3-4

3 As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
4 The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.

David said that the saints, those who follow the Lord, have his delight. David will not delight in those who oppose the Lord.

Now, Christian, ask yourself if your delight is in the people of God. Be clear that I’m not merely talking about family and marriage. With whom would you most like to spend an afternoon? Whose life most interests you? Who would you most delight to meet? When you have free time, with whom do you want to just hang out? Are your answers people who are the saints of God, those who know and love the Lord?

It is wise that the people of God delight in the people of God. This is not to say that we do not develop kind relationships with those who do not know the Lord. But our delight, our soul-refreshing relationships, must be our relationships with people who are going the same direction we are. We must not be unequally yoked together with those who do not love our God. Ask yourself how this might impact your thinking and your actions regarding your local church. Pray that the Lord give you a primary delight in him and the people who love him.

Posted on

Why We Sing

Psalm 89:1-4

1 I will sing of the steadfast love of the Lord, forever;
with my mouth I will make known your faithfulness to all generations.
2 For I said, “Steadfast love will be built up forever;
in the heavens you will establish your faithfulness.”
3 You have said, “I have made a covenant with my chosen one;
I have sworn to David my servant:
4 ‘I will establish your offspring forever,
and build your throne for all generations.’ ” Selah

Why do Christians sing? There are really two good answers. Of course we sing to worship our Lord. WE honor him in an act of religious obedience. He commanded it, it pleases him, and we do it.

But there is another reason that we often miss.

Colossians 3:16 – Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

We sing to teach. We teach one another truth as we sing songs full of truth.

In Psalm 89:1-4, the psalmist says that he will sing of God’s steadfast love and his faithfulness. The psalmist is going to sing lyrics that teach of the chesed, the covenant-making, promise-keeping, never-ending love of God.

Why put this at the beginning? If we do not remember that God’s promising love lasts forever, if we forget that God is always faithful, always true to his promises, we will not be able to handle what comes later in the psalm. We will give up and lose hope when it looks like his promises are too far away to come to pass.

In verse 2, we see that God has established his faithfulness in the heavens. The angels know that God is faithful. The sun, moon, and stars are testimonies to God’s power and consistency. The heavens declare his glory, and part of that declaration is their constant reminder that God is in control and does all he says he will do.

And then in verses 3-4, the psalmist tells us of one promise of God’s. The Lord made a covenant with David. And if God is faithful to his word, he will, he must, keep that promise too.

2 Samuel 7:16 – And your house and your kingdom shall be made sure forever before me. Your throne shall be established forever.’ ”

God promised David that a son of his would build the temple. Solomon did. But God also promised that someone from David’s line, his house, will be established as king forever. A never-ending kingdom will come from David’s line. A king will come who will be king over all. That, of course, is the promise that Messiah, the Christ, will come from David’s family line.

Christians, sing and learn of God’s glory and God’s faithfulness. Sing truth. Sing of the fact that God is always true to his word. Sing and make the Lord known to others. Sing of the kingdom of God and the grace of a God who saves sinners like us. Sing that God fulfilled his promise when he sent his Son. Sing that his promises are still true today.

Posted on

Forgive and Forget

I’m sure we have all heard the phrase “forgive and forget” used. And we often hear it used by believers. But I wonder how many of us think of forgetting in this context from a biblical perspective.

Here is the question: Are we biblically required to forget what others have done? How in the world are we to do this?

Some people get the idea of forgetting the sins of others from some of the language that the Bible uses when it speaks of how God forgives us.

Isaiah 43:25

“I, I am he
who blots out your transgressions for my own sake,
and I will not remember your sins.

If God remembers our sins no more, that must mean that he forgets them, right? Yes and no. Take a look at this verse in Psalm 79, and perhaps it will help.

Psalm 79:8

Do not remember against us our former iniquities;
let your compassion come speedily to meet us,
for we are brought very low.

The psalmist here prays that God would not remember the people’s sins against them. That is different than forgetting that the sins took place. The request is not asking God to blot a thing out of his memory, but to not remember the sins so as to use that memory against the people.

If a man sins by driving recklessly, crashes his car, and injures himself, he can certainly be forgiven. God will not remember his sin against him so as to punish him for it once it is forgiven. But I would not suggest that God then wonders to himself how that man got hurt. The driving and the crash are not data deleted from God’s memory banks. But God actively chooses not to remember that sin against the man so as to hurt him with the memory.

God forgets our sin by actively making a choice not to bring that sin up against us. When we forgive and forget, we can only forgive in a similar way. You cannot, to my knowledge, force a memory from your brain. But you can make a commitment not to bring a thing up against another person in order to do them harm. That is biblical forgetting when it comes to forgiveness.

Posted on

God’s Law, Logic and Sovereignty

The law of God teaches us about God. And the law of God teaches us about ourselves and our own nature. God’s law shows us just how greatly we need a Savior. And I think Leviticus 26 is a great example.

Notice these two opposite thoughts from Leviticus 26 set side-by-side.

Leviticus 26:3-4 – 3 “If you walk in my statutes and observe my commandments and do them, 4 then I will give you your rains in their season, and the land shall yield its increase, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit.

Leviticus 26:14-16 – 14 “But if you will not listen to me and will not do all these commandments, 15 if you spurn my statutes, and if your soul abhors my rules, so that you will not do all my commandments, but break my covenant, 16 then I will do this to you: I will visit you with panic, with wasting disease and fever that consume the eyes and make the heart ache. And you shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.

Ok, nothing is complicated here. God told the people of Israel that, if they obey him, they will be blessed. The section from verses 3-13 is full of blessing after blessing after blessing. God says that he will bless the people so much if they follow him that they will be happy, healthy, and whole. It is really good.

But, if the people refuse him, if they ignore his standards and his ways, God is clear that he will curse the nation. Starting at verse 14, God spells out curse after curse after curse for the nation if they turn their backs on the Lord.

Now, as a quick reminder, the people had already agreed to all this. They, as a nation, swore before God on multiple occasions that they wanted to follow him, wanted his blessing, and would accept his judgment for their disobedience. So this chapter is no surprise.

But what gets me is what this chapter tells us about ourselves. You see, if you follow the history of Israel, you will find that they, as a nation, do not follow the ways of God. They turn from him. They begin to worship idols. They behave immorally. They turn from the Lord, ignore his blessing, and earn for themselves his curses.

What does this tell us about ourselves? We are nuts. If God holds out to humanity a hand full of blessing and a hand full of cursing, we will take the bad option 100% of the time. Sin has so corrupted us that we are incapable of desiring that which will do us good. We are sinfully so confused, warped, broken, and messed up that we will not choose the right if the Lord does not mercifully bring us to himself and change us.

Do you love the Lord? Let this passage in Leviticus and the subsequent history of Israel remind you that your love for the Lord is the result, not of your assessment of your situation, but of the kindness of God working on your rotten heart. Remember that you, like Israel, would have chosen the wrong 10 times out of 10 had God not grabbed your heart and made you alive together with Christ. Let this cause you to brim full with gratitude for the grace of the Lord.

Also, as you think about this passage, let it remind you that you are not going to convince a lost world to follow the Lord through simple logic. Logic would have told Israel to go for the good and turn from the evil. Simple logic would have said to behave well for blessing and avoid the curse. But they did not follow God’s ways. Adam and Eve did not follow God’s ways. No person you know will simply see the logic of their need and follow the Lord. It requires a miracle from God for people, deep down in their souls, to turn from sin and embrace Christ. We keep praying. We keep calling people to faith. And we keep trusting that the Lord will change hearts.

Posted on

Sabbath and Faith

The call of God to have the people of Israel observe the Sabbath is an amazing call to faith and a glorious pointer to Christ. Resting one day out of seven is something that requires discipline and faith. And the Sabbath command for the land is even greater.

Leviticus 25:1-4 – 1 The Lord spoke to Moses on Mount Sinai, saying, 2 “Speak to the people of Israel and say to them, When you come into the land that I give you, the land shall keep a Sabbath to the Lord. 3 For six years you shall sow your field, and for six years you shall prune your vineyard and gather in its fruits, 4 but in the seventh year there shall be a Sabbath of solemn rest for the land, a Sabbath to the Lord. You shall not sow your field or prune your vineyard.”

God called on the people of Israel not only to rest one day out of seven, he called the nation to let the land rest one year out of seven. God promised a harvest in year 6 that would be so great that it would sustain the people for years to come.

I’m sure you know that many Christians debate with one another as to whether or not we are legally required to keep a Sabbath day. Some folks do. Some others do not, but believe the Sabbath command to be a pointer to the ultimate rest we receive in Christ.

Hebrews 4:9–11 – 9 So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, 10 for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from his works as God did from his.

11 Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.

I am one who believes that the binding ordinance of Sabbath is fulfilled in Christ. But I also know that it is good for the people of God to take a day, focus on the Lord, and rest from their worldly labors. But this is not what I want to write about.

What grabbed my attention in this read through Leviticus and in thinking about the Sabbath commands is just how much faith the Sabbath required. The week-to-week Sabbath required faith. People had to believe God, that he would provide for them if they worked only 6 out of 7 days. If you look at our world, at businesses open 24/7, you know that it requires faith to believe that you can sustain life without constant labor. And if you take that further, if you consider the nation’s call to let the land rest for a full year, you know that would have required incredible faith. In fact, as far as I know, the people of Israel never once obeyed that command.

But, dear friends, that faith, that impossible faith, that stunning faith is what points us so greatly to Jesus. It takes faith to let a day go by without working. It takes faith to let a year go by without farming. And it takes faith, genuine faith, to believe that the holy God of the universe will welcome you without you performing a single religious ritual to earn your way to him. IT takes faith to believe that you can be forgiven without a special gift, a special sacred item, a special sacred incantation, a special object or word of power. But the Lord tells us that such is the case. There is no way for you to be made right with God other than by you letting go of sin and self and fully entrusting your soul to the person and the finished work of Jesus.

The author of Hebrews tells us to enter into the Sabbath rest of Jesus. He tells us to turn from the ideas that we do things to gain God’s favor. He instead tells us to fully rely on Jesus and Jesus alone for salvation. This is not him saying that there is no obedience to God that follows salvation. But it is to say that, as counter-cultural as the Sabbath felt to all who did not understand it, so too does it seem crazy to all other worldviews that a holy and just God would accept us based entirely on God’s own choice and God’s own work in Christ. Salvation by grace through faith requires a faith that is depicted for us in the crazy faith required to keep the Sabbath day and the Sabbath years.

No, I do not believe that the Sabbath regulation is a binding regulation on the modern Christian. Instead, I believe that the Sabbath regulation is a shadow that points to the finished work of Christ and our salvation by grace through faith. But I do believe it is good for Christians to shape our lives with work, with rest, and with worship on a regular cycle in the week so that we can, in our lives, show the world that we are resting in Jesus rather than trusting in our labor.

Posted on

Don’t Follow for Comfort

What do you think you will get from following Jesus? BE careful. There is a dangerous false teaching out there that would say to people that, if you just trust Jesus enough, your life will get easy. These false teachers suggest to you that you will find health, wealth, and success. They suggest that, after all, if you become a Christian, you become a son or daughter of the King, a prince or princess of the Lord. But they are selling a false gospel to you.

It is not a new thing to see people attempt to latch onto Jesus with the hope of success and prosperity in the here and now. In fact, I think we see such a thing in Matthew 8.

Matthew 8:19-20 – 19 And a scribe came up and said to him, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.” 20 And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”

This is a really brief encounter, so we cannot say too much for certain. But I think we can make a couple of assumptions that paint the picture for us. The man who approached Jesus was a scribe. He was a religious person whose job it was to write. And he said that he would follow Jesus anywhere. It seems, then, that this man is offering Jesus is services.

Stop and ask why this man would come to Jesus to say that he would follow him. It could be that this man was genuinely convicted to believe in Jesus, to love him, and to follow him. But, were that the case, I think Jesus’ response to him would have been different. My best guess is that this man actually was trying to go with Jesus out of a desire for personal gain. Why do I say that? Jesus responded to this man by pointing out that there was not going to be a cushy destination at the end of this road.

My assessment is that this man wanted to get in on the early stages of Jesus’ ministry. He may have thought to himself that, as a scribe, if he got in on the ground floor of this ministry, he would be in a great spot once Jesus finally reached his destination. Perhaps he thought that Jesus was destined to be a big and important Pharisee. Perhaps he saw that Jesus is Messiah, but he assumed that meant that Jesus would establish a physical, earthly kingdom in Jerusalem. In either case, being the number one scribe for this man would be a great position.

Jesus shatters this man’s illusions when he simply tells him that there is no place they are going. Jesus has no home. The Savior was, in fact, more homeless than foxes and birds. He traveled. HE spoke. He gave. And Jesus would end his earthly ministry, not in the temple, not in a palace, but on a cross leading to a borrowed tomb.

It is possible that I’m misunderstanding what the scribe was saying. But I know these two things. First, Jesus’ response to him indicates that Jesus saw this man as looking for earthly comfort and stability which he would not receive following Jesus. Second, we have no reason to believe that this scribe followed Jesus. And so I think I have the picture pretty close to correct.

For you and me today, there is a lesson. Christianity is not and has never been something to jump into so that you can have a nice, soft, easy life. Jesus did not promise that. Yes, there have been times in history when, for a brief season, it is easier to live in a society as a believer. But, honestly, such periods of history are not as long and not as regular as you might think. And, throughout history, when a society has embraced the faith in some form, this has often led to corruption in the church, compromise in doctrine, and sinful greed as people pretended to follow Jesus in order to gain political power. We want to follow Jesus. WE want people to be saved. And, as people are saved, societies will be transformed. But, when the transformation is more political than spiritual, the transformation is something other than Christianity.

No, dear friends, do not think that following Jesus grants you health, wealth, and prosperity. The Savior promised that following him would bring you persecution and hardship in the here and now. Jesus told the scribe that he was homeless, and to follow him would make the scribe lose earthly stability. The reason to follow Jesus is not earthly comfort for this life. The reason to follow Jesus is that Jesus is God. Jesus is your only hope of salvation. Jesus is your only hope of lasting joy. And, of course, Jesus grants us an eternal future that is far greater than any hardships we may suffer in our eighty or so years of life on this earth.

Posted on

Simple Depth in Glorious Doctrine

Sometimes the simplest of doctrines are the ones we need to remember most. IN churches like the one I serve, there are always folks who are interested in the “deep” things. And, quite often, the things these folks consider to be deep are primarily things that are hard to understand or not broadly known. While we want to study all biblical doctrine, we can, if we are not careful, become fascinated with the obscure and fail to embrace and cherish the simple and true.

Christians, may I remind you that depth does not equal obscurity? May I also remind you that simple does not mean shallow. Sometimes deep study and deep faithfulness means learning to embrace with all of your being the things that every Christian should know.

Here is an example of a few things said in Psalm 18 that we all should love deeply.

Psalm 18:30-31a

30 This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?

Let me point out four doctrines, lovely doctrines, simple doctrines, deep doctrines, that we should love from those lines. First, note the perfection of God. David refers to God by saying, “his ways are perfect.” That is not a shallow truth. God’s ways are perfect. All that the Lord is and all that the Lord does is perfect. There is no flaw. There is no sin. There is no taint. God is absolutely, unquestionably, immeasurably perfect.

How important is that doctrine? How does it change us? When the Lord says that he will do a thing, our response must never be to measure it by whether or not we approve. God’s ways are perfect. Our response, when we see that the Lord does a thing should be to ask the Lord to reshape us in our sinfulness to love and embrace his perfection. Thus, when God speaks of things with which we are uncomfortable, we are the ones flawed, not the Lord.

Second, the word of the Lord proves true. This is a reminder that not only is what God does perfect in every way, all that God says is true. For David, this helped him to embrace the Pentateuch and the words of the prophets around him. For us, this develops for us our doctrine of holy Scripture.

Just like thinking of the ways of God as perfect, we now think of his word as true. So, what happens when our experience or our best understanding stands in contradiction to the word? WE have a choice to make. We either decide that we are more true than the word of God or that the word of God is more true than our experience. Christians, this is a vital piece of doctrine to get right, as it will shape everything you think you know.

Third, God is a shield for all who take refuge in him. What a glorious truth this is. God is a gracious God. God receives kindly those who come to him for shelter. Consider, there is no rule beyond God that says he has to do this. He could turn us away in our cries for his mercy. But he does not.

Here is a doctrine that helps us to understand the grace of God. We are all a people in danger. Our sin would cause us to be eternally condemned. But God is a shelter for all who take refuge in him. If you come to the one true God seeking shelter, he will grant it. We know from the rest of Scripture that there is only one way to come to God for shelter, through the person of Jesus Christ (John 14:6). But we also are gloriously encouraged by the truth that all who do come to Jesus in faith and repentance are genuinely saved (Rom. 10:9-10, 13).

Fourth, and finally, notice that David also tells us that there is only one God. Who is God but the Lord? Much of the world thinks in the terms of multiple divinities. Much of the world assumes all religions are the same. But the word of God tells us that there is not another God, period.

This doctrine is vital to the believer. We know that all other world religions are false, because we know that there is only one God who may only be approached through the person and work of Jesus. All other claims of authority are illegitimate, because we know that there is only one God. All that oppose God do not merely oppose a religion, they oppose the one and only Creator and Lord. And all who have the favor of God have blessing that can never be removed, because God is the only God. There is no competition for God. There is no alternative to God. There is only the one God.

You might say that all these things are easy to know. Perhaps they are. But that does not make these shallow. These are vital truths. And the more you think about them, the more you embrace them, the more you will love the Lord you serve. I’m glad that we have the opportunity as believers to delve into end times, to think about election, to seek to understand the intricacies of the trinity, to ponder the covenants. But I’m even gladder that we are given by God the chance to know that he is the only God, that is ways are perfect, that his word is true, and that he welcomes all who run to him for shelter. These things should change your daily life, and change it forever. So do not miss them as you seek to study the deep things of the Lord.

Posted on

Surprised by Judgment

A read through the New Testament repeatedly puts into our minds an eternal perspective. New Testament authors are constantly calling the church to look to the future, the return of Jesus, and the final judgment. Writers want us to hope, not in this life, but in Christ and in our reward in Christ at the day of the Lord.

Similarly, biblical authors regularly point out that the world around us does not set their minds on the day to come.

1 Thessalonians 5:1-3 – 1 Now concerning the times and the seasons, brothers, you have no need to have anything written to you. 2 For you yourselves are fully aware that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. 3 While people are saying, “There is peace and security,” then sudden destruction will come upon them as labor pains come upon a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.

Paul tells the people that they do not need him to write them about the times and seasons. Clearly, even in his three-week sojourn with the church in Thessalonica, Paul had talked about the day of the Lord. The people to whom he was writing should have had a solid grasp of that doctrine.

But Paul also knows that those who do not know Jesus do not have a grasp of what is to come. And it is this which grabs my attention. Notice in the verse what marks those who do not belong to God. They will be shocked when they face the return of Jesus. They will be utterly stunned at the idea that life does not go on just as it always has.

So, Christian, stop and think. It is a mark of the lost that they live in this world as if it will go on without change forever. It is a mark of being lost to assume that the Lord will not break into history and bring his judgment. It is a mark of being lost to live for this life and this life alone.

Now the question: Do you think like the lost? Are you given to a mindset that expects all to go on without change? Do you live with a mentality that assumes that God is not active in the world now? Do you live like the world, believing that there is nothing to the future but the same old same old?

Christians, we are to have minds that see out into eternity. We are to have a thinking that knows that the Lord who created this universe will break into our history and bring all things to a proper conclusion. We serve a God who will judge the world for living in a way that opposes him. And we are to be those who, were the Lord to return even today, are not caught off guard.

Posted on

Take the First Step

You’ve been hurt. Somebody has done you wrong. Maybe it is a big deal. Maybe it is something seemingly smaller. What should you do?

You know that somebody in the church is upset with you. They feel hurt by you. They feel like you have wronged them in some way. But maybe you do not think you did anything wrong. What do you do?

I’m not going to make this complicated or flowery. If there is a problem between you and another person in the body of Christ, you take the first step to try to make things right.

Matthew 5:23-24 – 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Jesus tells his followers that they need to be eager to make things right when conflict exists. He even goes so far as to tell them to leave behind a gift, be reconciled, and then return to complete their offering. His point is one of urgency.

So, if you know that a person feels wronged by you, what do you do? First, fight down the feeling of being offended that somebody would dare think that you had wronged them. You probably know that your first reaction, when a person says you have done them wrong, is to be upset that they would dare think so. Let that go. Fight down the urge to go and tell them why they are wrong for thinking you are wrong. Instead, go to them and listen. Go and hear. Perhaps you will find that you are not as perfect as you think. And even if they are wrong, at least you will have done them the kindness of hearing them. Then, if you are wrong, apologize, seek forgiveness, and try to make things right if possible.

But what if you really did not wrong them and cannot agree with their accusation? You can still take the high road. You can still be gentle and gracious. You can still be understanding. You can still tell them that, while you cannot agree with them about how they are feeling, you do care about them and are sad that there is something that has come between you.

What if you are the one wronged? The best thing you can do is take action. Of course, you might need to first evaluate your opinion to see if you have missed anything. But if there is away in which a fellow believer has hurt you, go to them. Do not go angry and accusing. Just go and ask them for a conversation. Ask them to hear what you believe has happened. Do not be shocked if they defend themselves. After all, that is your first reflex too. Get past their defensiveness and let the other person know that you want your relationship with them to be reconciled. Smaller things you can just let go. Larger things may require that the person own what has happened and express repentance.

In both cases, Christian, if you are divided from another believer, if no attempt to solve the problem has been made, you need to take responsibility to take the first step. If you are the one wronged, go and communicate, offering the person forgiveness when they repent. IF you are the one who has wronged another, go and seek their forgiveness. If someone thinks you wronged them, but you do not think you did anything wrong, go and listen, seeking to be at peace with them to the very best of your ability. No, do not lie and pretend you did something you did not do. But be gracious, kind, merciful, and understanding.

At the end of the day, Christian, what we need to recognize is that Scripture calls on mature believers to take responsibility to settle conflict. Decide that you will take the first step instead of waiting for somebody else to do it. The goal is not to win in a conflict. The goal is to glorify Jesus.